I haven't until now laughed so hard as much as when I read comments
from blog visitors. Their diverse nature leaves no one spared
from the truth no matter how bitter and hurtful it may seem..... No
one ever said the truth doesn't hurt.
I like that truthfulness in some blogs and that is why I have come to
present a problem for me.
Recently, I found out that the marriage of my best friend of 24years
is heading for divorce. Why are my pained? Why does this bother me?
Well, aside from knowing her for these many years and being a god
parent to their kids I am an ever present face in their household as I
help her out with the kids from time to time. I am married but have no
kids of my own yet so please understand the emotional attachment to
her kids.
Mia has for the past 12 years tried to tell her and hubby's
family that her hubby Micheal has a drinking problem but so far no one
has bothered to take her seriously. He started with regular beer and
now in recent times, he is heavily into Red label! Morning, afternoon,
night, work place, family/social gathering, vacation, ill health,
before sleeping, first thing in the morning, last thing before he
sleeps. He is always drinking! So bad that the level of productivity
in his office is beginning to suffer and dwindle as his constant and
daily slurred speeches are now considered professionally incoherent.
Still, his family has refused to intervene!
All these many years Mia has managed with the kids so far. Being a
good mum, goes for their school meetings, parties, taekwondo lessons,
soccer practice, outdoor sporting, as well as run a business and a
Blood Pressure so high it scares me even though I am hypertensive.
Micheal when sober tries to be a good dad. These good deeds he does by
making up for his previous f*ck ups. What do the kids care… to them,
dad is alright and at home for a change yet silently wishing that he
would go away again because the house is most peaceful when he's not
around.
Mia now wants out of the marriage as she feels the emotional
challenges she has been facing for these many years have become too
unbearable for her. Staying up into the early hours of the morning
waiting for her husband who she knows is in a bar somewhere
drinking away the small money they barely have, calling friends and
family late in the night to tell them he is not home yet( he gets off
work by 5pm and doesn't come back to 2 -3am in the morning.) see her
hubby pass out in front of visitors ( he literally will slump to the
ground), having very embarrassing slurred speeches when he is supposed
to be having a very important discussion or conversation with friends,
family or at a business setting, accusing the wife of infidelity as
often as he remembers to (which is quite very often).
Friend, I could go on and on but I have seen too much not to back my
friend on this one decision she intends to take. People might accuse
me of wanting to or aiding to break my friend's home or say every home
has their own issues, I should mind my business.... blah blah blah.
My question is at what point is such a behavior from a man whom she
has loved for over a decade of her life acceptable? At what point is
attempting to hit her in front of the kids ok? But then, what I’ll say
to these folks is simple... if only they can peep into my world to see
a glimpse of what I have seen and experienced.. things I have heard…
witnessed.... the nights we stayed up to wait,or listen to her cry,
watching your friend's husband behave dead for 15-20 and sometimes
over 30mins while we stand with a spoon hoping he doesn't clench his
teeth, watching the kids cry not knowing if their dad will wake up,
seeing your friend with the kindest heart and the most cheerful laugh
I ever heard and a smile that can melt anyone's heart fade away right
before you and looking older than her normal self….
I am very angry! I honestly feel like slapping the shit out of her
husband’s freaking fucking face. What hasn't this girl done for this
fucking arse? What mountain would she not climb for him? I thought
Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing. How come two people who once
loved themselves now can’t stand each other in the same room?
My friend isn't mother Theresa or Mary the mother of Jesus. She is a
young woman like you and me who wanted nothing else the world had to
offer except what Micheal was offering her. She has like every woman must
have done….once had a life. She had boyfriends, dated older guys,
younger men, went to parties, loved life….. She really enjoyed her
youth but that way of life she gave up when she met Micheal. He too was
once a young man and enjoyed the excesses of every young man in his
youthful days and age. But to accuse Mia of infidelity and worst of
all as often as he does is as painful to me as it is for her.
Why do I ask for your readers advice? Simple Linda! I pray that
someone out there who may have passed through these types of emotional
meltdown will stumble upon this and tell me how she did it. HOW? for
crying out loud… HOW! If she is still married to her husband, why did
she stay? (Even though he suddenly thinks the four children who are
all spitting images of him aren't his) If she left what was the
breaking point for her? And to the men, what do you tell a woman who
is going through this hoping you aren't drunk (No offense please,
please. please.)
With his sudden outburst of rage, I am afraid that one day I will get
the call I have subconsciously dreaded as we now suspect that maybe
there is another woman and his sudden change in character (from bouts
and fits of anger to attempted hitting and threats of smashing her face) cannot be justified any other
way. What else can we think? what else is there to think? He has never
acted violently towards her until recently. He has refused to listen
to family or friends who actually care about their happiness and for
some reason, all he keeps keeps saying “this marriage is over”! None
of them is from a broken home.
How do I help my friend without seeming too intrusive yet desperate to
help? How do I continue to tell her everything will be alright when I
don't know half of what she is really thinking or what her marriage is really
like or going through… at least I am not wearing her shoes right? God please help me after this!
She is 42 and her Micheal is 49.
What do you think she should do?
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